When our health fails, we expect to find a way forward to restore us as much as possible to our previous state. If we have a damaged hip or knee, we are offered replacements which give us back our pain-free movement. If we have high blood pressure, we are offered one of a number of drugs which will control it.
One of the problems with having a chronic vestibular/balance disorder is that there is no ‘one size fits all’ treatment either to remove the problem or to control it. The reason for this is that the causes of inner ear balance problems can be many and complex and it is often difficult to get to the origin of the cause. I have never been told a definite cause of my problems – ‘a virus’ being the one most often proffered (I have tended to view this as a bit of a cop out!)
So we try what is offered, in my case: a grommet, anti-viral medication, anti-epilepsy medication, anti-histamines, anti-vertigo pills of various types…and that is not counting the ‘alternative’ treatments like acupuncture, osteopathy, genetically modified cereals, special devices to rehabilitate the brain, a number of different healers…I have gone from the very conventional to the very wacky indeed!
I am aware that this sounds as if I have made these explorations my life mission, but I quickly learned that this could not be so. The disappointment of a failed treatment is crushing. I have therefore had to learn to manage the tension between accepting and living life such as it is at present, and keeping an eye out for new possibilities: enjoying the pleasures and joys of life (however restricted) in the moment, whilst keeping in the back of my mind the hope of a new treatment which might just work for me.
I must be more resilient than I thought, because I somehow never quite give up hope.